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I’m an exchange student here in Trondheim and I wanted to ask for some advice. Lately I’ve been struggling with some trust issues in friendships — I notice that loyalty and connection are very important to me, sometimes to the point where it makes me feel anxious or disappointed. I think this comes from past experiences where I felt left out, and now it affects how I connect with people during my exchange. I was wondering if you could give me some advice or point me in the right direction on how to deal with these feelings and find more calm and balance.
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Now that you are in a new place, there can be a lot of things that amplify the feelings regarding trust and connection. Many exchange students feel this tension between wanting connection and fearing rejection.
You say that you value loyalty and connection, and I wonder if your expectations are in balance with your preconditions? That you might find beneficial asking yourself.
- Start small: Share a little with people you feel relaxed with. When you give people insight in your life and others get to know you it's easier for them to approach you.
- Frame your feelings positively to avoid fear: “because I value trust so much, now is the time to notice when and why I feel safer in relationships”.
- Seek out help and talk it out: Book an appointment with a counsellor that can help you map out and reflect on what your options are for the steps you need to take forward.
Most likely many other exchange students are experiencing the same as you now, and you are not alone in this. Remember self-compassion and be realistic about what to expect. Self-acceptance is also a key word here. Accept that you have your personal preconditions for connection and trustful relations.
Take some time each day to practice breathing techniques to feel more calm: Inhale 5 seconds, hold for 5 and exhale 5. Repeat a few more times.
The best of luck to you!
Best regards
Counsellor