Spørsmål
Hello, I’m currently facing many changes: finishing my bachelor’s degree, which master where, break inbetween? For the first time my partner and I are in a long-distance relationship (RS). We decided to change our RS structure to improve ourselves and aim for a more spiritual RS, with less impossible expectations on each other, handling our daily emotions by ourself but being their in times of need... And for the first time acting on our non-monogamous beliefs (We had them since we met, but never acted on them) A month ago, my partner fell in love with someone else. I can feel happiness for him and rationally, I see growth and meaning, but emotionally my attachment system feels very activated. (from all changes )I often feel great distress, sadness, and fear, especially when I’m alone and not occuppied. Friends, Yoga, breathwork and nature help, but the distress keeps returning when I´'m still. Do you have any advice on how I can emotionally support myself through these transitions?
Psykolog svarer
Sounds to me like difficult, yet totally normal reactions to a complicated situation. A long-distance relationship is difficult in of itself and the transition to non-monogamy even more so. Sounds like you have reflected a lot on the different aspects of different relationship structures. While you have strong beliefs in non-monogamy, the actual practice is complicated and not for the faint of heart. It requires a great deal of communication, clear boundaries and openness. Even with all of this groundwork you might find the actually prospect of your partner in love with someone else hard to bear. Accepting these emotions as human and normal is a good first step.
I would also suggest finding like minded people to share your feelings with, get support and advice. Perhaps a community of poly-amorous? You can also chat with health personnel at Sex og Samfunn, a clinic with more specialized expertise in non-traditional relationships.
Best of luck <3